Forget Teenage Angst. What About Parent's Angst?

My daughter will be 16 in a few months. I remember what it was like to be her age, and I have tried to allow her some freedom to spread her wings.

She has gone out with groups of friends to do things, and there was never any problem... until HE showed up in the picture.

He is a 17 year old James Dean wannabe. Instead of the leather jacket, white t-shirt, jeans, and a motorcycle he has embraced the goth-like culture complete with huge round earrings. And no, I do not mean Diana Ross hoops that dangle over his extremely too thin shoulders but quarter sized discs that have stretched his earlobes. When he takes them out, I have to fight the urge to shoot beans through the holes in an attempt to score a three pointer.

I saw a change in my beautiful Anne a few months ago when HE became a regular member of the teen herd that would come to the house. He was not part of the herd before. The main characters had been a few of her friends from band, her best friend, her best friend's boyfriend, and then a few others who would randomly rotate in and out. All these kids were unique individuals who were interested in the usual teenage things. But HE pretty much did what he wanted, when he wanted, and had gotten in trouble with the law. Now, a few of the other kids had gotten in trouble and then either learned how to fly under the radar for minor offenses or to not commit crimes. It wasn't until two weeks ago that I found out how disrespectful this kid could be.

Anne decided that she wanted to HE two months ago. I allowed it if they were with a group and she came home on time. Well, she missed Father's Day with the excuse that they did not have gas money to get back from the lake. She missed my birthday and several other events. She would go out with HE in the morning and then not return until right at curfew even if there was a family event to attend. I grounded her and told her that anyone who wanted to see her had to come here. After two weeks of good behavior, I allowed her to go out last Wednesday to help HE set up his dorm room. (HE is bright and graduated early and was accepted to a college in Nashville, about an hour from here.) Well, after several phone calls from her letting me know she was okay and that she would be home I called to make sure she would be in by 10. HE answered the phone and TOLD me that they had decided to stay the night and she would be home the next day.

Can you say 911 boys and girls? I informed HE that if she was not on her way home I would call the police. After several phone calls and a lot of irritation on my behalf (I was already suffering from an allergic reaction which put me in the ER later on that week), I was finally able to get Anne as close to home as I could. In other words, HE brought her to town but refused to bring her to the house. Instead HE took her to my parents' house and told the police that I was a mean drunk who abused my daughter by fussing at her when her grades would drop, did not allow her to go anywhere, and made unreasonable demands.

It was okay with me that she went to my parent's house. They are more strict than I am, not even allowing phone calls after 8 PM and a a mandatory bedtime of 9 PM for everyone (including themselves). I was not even bothered by what HE told the police because this is a small town and I went to high school with two of the officers and go to church the assistant police chief and another officer. After this incident, one of my high school buddies came to my house and told me that HE had a juvenile record that pretty much made anything HE said not have merit. He couldn't tell me what HE had done because of the age thing, but needless to say HE is being watched.

The funny thing is that Anne has completely reverted back to her old self since HE has been banned. She is even helping me with VBS next week without me having to fuss. I had called her father to tell him what was happening and to let him know that he might actually have to step up and parent. Alan Sr. has been more attentive the pst two weeks than he has since he left 6 years ago.

It seems that this emergency has brought about a couple of changes that have been needed for a while. I do not know if the daily phone calls from their father is going to last or if HE will finally disappear. I do know that the contact between my kids and their father has helped them, and that Anne is talking to me again instead of just storming out.

I also know that if teens think they have it tough, they ought to try being a parent!